I love you Ama

I've recently been dealing with the loss of my grandma in the last week and it has been a difficult time at home. I'm trying to keep busy and distract myself as much as possible. This is the only way I know how to stay normal and control my emotions better than before.

I wasn't prepared or expecting this loss since I felt there was some progress in her health in the last month. But my grandma was in a lot of pain and suffered so much through the years. She broke her hip a couple years ago and following our last vacation in May 2012 to see her, she experience a stroke a week after. Later on came the hospital visits and the struggle. I'll always remember the time periods she would spend with us in Canada.

She was a big part in our day to day lives and there isn't one day I wouldn't think about her while back in the Philippines. As a family, we would call her and YeYe every month, every birthday, every holiday and even for no reason at all. Ama raised us, taught us and really was the best role model she could be to us.

I'm sad she has gone but she's at peace and more importantly, she knew we loved her.

Rest Well YeYe

I just lost my YeYe earlier this morning.

He's suffered so much and I'm happy he is no longer in pain. It hurts the most to see the strongest of your four grandparents to have something as terrible as cancer deteriorate their body. I am very grateful for the time we have had together and the memories I've shared with him. Him and my Ama helped raised me and will always be a part of me.

Losing a grandparent is all very new to me and I know I am very blessed to have all four of mine. I know that the next little while, I have to learn to move on and try to cope with my loss. I don`t know how long I'll be away, but I will be back. Blogging is the last thing I want to do for the time being.

Be Strong YeYe...

I was away for the last week in the Philippines because my YeYe (grandpa) has throat cancer. He refused to follow through with chemotherapy and any treatment when he was diagnosed with it in the fall. We just celebrated his 90th birthday last week and we had a priest come recite a prayer for him.

I flew back out on Sunday and he got worst when my parents and I flew out. We reached Hong Kong and found out he was bleeding out so much. His liver was bleeding into his colon, so when he went to the washroom, everything was all blood. By the time we reached Vancouver for our second layover, my Ama (grandma) was rushed to the hospital (she suffered a stroke a year ago and since then has been in and out of the hospital throughout the year. She can no longer verbally communicate).

I Skype called with my YeYe this morning on dad`s tablet. I could see he was in so much pain, just lying in the bed. It was a hospital bed and my aunt and uncle (dad`s younger sister and brother) had just flown in from Los Angeles and Switzerland. Dad flew out this afternoon as well. I just hope my YeYe is okay.